short funny affirmations short funny affirmations

7. I am so f*cking awesome. There's value in patting yourself (and your friends) on the back.Positive affirmations are statements that can help brighten your outlook on the world when you say them to yourself regularly or write them down in a journal.While affirmations are no substitute for professional help such as therapy when you're experiencing anxiety or depression, those who swear by the power of uplifting . Run. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. 150. Dont worry, the spider is smaller than you. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". Affirmations to wealth are a great way for you to organize your thoughts and develop a positive outlook. 3. 105. I draw from my inner strength and light. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. 96. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. 104. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. 267. Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! 70. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. 63. - George Burns. What do I do for a living? 132. Today I was a hero. Can February march? Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. 56. Its a door, thats how they work. I just go normal from time to time. A mind is like a parachute. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. Czech proverb, 261. 55. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. - Unknown. Which affirmation put a smile on your face? 189. 15. 255. Its okay, he woke up. 252. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Robert Bloch 168. 199. Given below are some short quotes to tickle your funny bone. ~ Bill Gates. Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. 191. I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. Albert Einstein, 190. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. I am grateful for that time. Take a look! I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. So far, so good. 194. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Ben Hogan. 4. Enjoy! 57. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. 185. I did not trip and fall. 134. "Have a great Wednesday. 244. 173. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. 192. 6. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. Some when they enter, others when they leave. We need to hear a pin drop. 24. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. I dont need validation from others to know Im killing it. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Socrates. Henny Youngman, 246. 6. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. Quotes To Inspire You (MLK), 80 Life Gets Better Quotes To Brighten Your Day (Hope), 50 Bad Luck Quotes When You Feel Ill-Fated. 221. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. 279. Lorrin L. Lee. 103. Your mind will naturally focus more on the positive things that happen that day rather than the negatives. 8. 62. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. - Billie Burke. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Sam Levenson In between, I am alive., 7. I overcome fears by following my dreams. 187. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. I receive what I believe. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. I dont worry about getting older. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. I never apologize. Stop playing with me., 6. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Can February march? 3. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 26. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. He who laughs last didnt get it. I am confused between what I like the most hanging out or posting that I hung out. 7. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 271. You can only be young once. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. 188. 231. 250. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. My son is now an entrepreneur. Its okay if people dont like me. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. 197. 237. It gets toad away. 1. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. 141. 211. "If you see me talking to myself. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. "We . Education cost money. 43. 236. 102. 117. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 199. I am intelligent. I can do this. They shape our present and have an impact on our future. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 32. But you can always be immature. But you can always be immature. Cry a river. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 128. 4. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. Ive been doing nothing for years. People who talk behind my back are getting a great view. 6. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. 23. Everyone brings happiness to this office. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. Sincerely, yourself., 2. 130. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 8. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? I intend to live forever. Franklin Jones, 259. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 218. 46. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. 25. Sometimes the M is silent. Build a bridge. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from inside. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. Why is England the wettest country? It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. Whenever I get back home, I lose all the superpowers that I had when with friends. 113. Love your enemies. 122. 219. 57. I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it. 146. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. Declare your affirmations slowly and clearly. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". 212. 201. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. Youre basically a houseplant with complicated emotions., 11. ". Why did the can crusher quit his job? 273. Keep your affirmations in the present. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. 132. 188. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . Exercise? I will smile while I still have my teeth. 248. 12. 36. Send me the link. 119. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. 'If you would like to know the value of money, try to borrow some.'. The only relationship I have is with my Wifi. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. 146. 274. You were too lazy to read that number. 278. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. 3. Im like a postage stamp. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. Today, I am thankful for this week. 216. Words have the power to make or break us. Not a peli-cant. Some when they enter, some when they leave. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? We need to hear a pin drop. You were too lazy to read that number. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. Ive been doing nothing for years. 206. I celebrate the highs, learn from the lows and now I release it into the past. 264. You wanna know who Im in love with? 22. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. What do you call a bear with no teeth? The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 44. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. I honor that time. 59. 202. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. 4. To thrive in life you need three bones. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. 2. 121. Friday Affirmations. They say dont try this at home so Im coming over to your house to try it. - Benjamin Franklin. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 269. - Kyle Chandler. 170. Never let anyone waste your time twice. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. I always find something funny in every situation. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Those who snore always fall asleep first. 7. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. I get it nowIm single because Im a superhero., See also: 140 Single Quotes For Instagram Celebrating Single Life. 241. 8. - Roy T. Bennett. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. But this shouldnt be a problem, as you can come up with your own humorous affirmations. So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. 148. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. 151. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Confidence makes me powerful. 190. 154. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. Explore the latest videos from hashtags: #affirmations, #affirmation, #funnyaffirmation, #dailyaffirmations, #affirmationsoftheday, # . Milton Berle, 245. 3. 58. 99. I am lazy till I get a motive. They log in. 11. This is a good thing because affirmations are supposed to be associated with happiness and positive emotions. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. 162. 15. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. 53. Why cant you trust an atom? For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! All you need is love. 203. Never take life seriously. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. Its scary when it disappears. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. It doesnt work if it is not open. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. Those who snore always fall asleep first. A backbone. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. We have a connection. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". 225. We'll get to that later. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. Check out our funny affirmation selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. No, but April may. 179. The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. 213. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. If you steal from one author, its plagiarism; if you steal from many, its research. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. Affirmations can either be written down, spoken out loud, or visualized in the form of a conversation between money and you. He who laughs last didnt get it. 270. And a funny bone. My body belongs to me and I can set boundaries around it. When they go away, its a brighter day. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? 73. Enjoy! 26. I would have appreciated exams if they had allowed our Pokemons and Ninjas. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else. If youre looking for a way to brighten your day and amp up your attitude, youve come to the right place. Steven Wright, 252. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. Wake up and smell the birdshit on your windshield., 10. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Im describing you. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? 16. It makes them so damned mad. It just plain forms. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. 97. Ann Landers You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. 40. 144. 24. You wanna know who Im in love with? 81. 22. 1. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. 157. 120. The thing is, I am still getting ready. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. Why cant you trust an atom? Life is always rocky when youre a gem. Yes, of course, I am athletic, I surf the Internet every day. 147. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. I stick to things until I get to my destination., 12. The library, because it has so many stories. 251. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Read the first word again. 2. 18. 36. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. Ensure that your actions match your words. Leave me a if you agree! Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. "You have to be odd to be number one.". I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. Ive got three bones. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. I feed my spirit. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. It was created to do amazing things. It will warm you twice unknown. Youre not tequila., 5. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. I enjoy every minute of it. I am enough. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. 194. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 271. Look, youre smiling! I make a difference by showing up fully. Breasts dont have eyes. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. 170. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. Bill Gates. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. "I receive what I believe.". 234. 235. When the past comes knocking, dont answer. 2. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. I am capable of eating a family-sized bag of chips. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. 169. 9. 127. Never judge a book by its movie. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. I did it! It has nothing new to tell you. Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. We have a connection. 98. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. Using affirmations can significantly impact your outlook on life, but saying such serious statements to yourself can often make you feel silly. Rome wasnt built in a day. Be careful when you follow the masses. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. Check out our funny affirmations selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our encouragement cards shops. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. 116. Oh sheet!. 2. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. 205. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. 187. 214. Wilson Mizner Because seven ate nine. Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? 272. 67. A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. 209. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt.