Im breaking out in hives. I also really enjoyed Measure of Man which was the episode where Datas humanity is put on trial. Do you think he liked listening to my fangirlish squees? I grew up with a dad who I had a lot in common with. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_16',128,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_17',128,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0_1');.mobile-leaderboard-1-multi-128{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:15px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:15px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:600px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}If your daughter is still young, she may not be ready to see you with anyone other than her biological father. Theyre a great way to get people who dont necessarily share a lot of common interests involved. bittergaymark I strongly agree with this. I just told her she wasnt allowed to ramble off all the names of plants/flowers unless I specifically ask as I really dont care (it would be like me telling her sports stats all day). And some of that happens by making fun of your child. Basically, I had never been the kid he wanted, and he eventually snapped and took it out on me. Im not saying that to excuse the dads behavior if hes being mean, but if the LW truly wants to do the best thing for her daughter, she needs to do something that 1) Doesnt encourage her daughter to dislike her dad and 2) Actually makes him stop being mean, because what shes doing now clearly isnt working. I assumed my mom was always just mom like. I remember our reaction (me and my bro) when we found out she liked Led Zeppelin . July 2, 2013, 12:02 pm. I dont think theres anything wrong with taking a child camping who doesnt necessarily like it that much. So if you lend your car to your best friend, your sister or even your second cousin, your insurance is most often the insurance that will pay in the event of an accident.
Stepmothers on Strike: How Can Doing Less Save Your Marriage I was like 7.) I was trying to figure out how to phrase it. Eating vegetables or just trying any new food? As a counterpoint, I loved all the things my dad liked and he tried to do things I liked. I do think the LW should encourage her daughters interest in her father and her fathers hobbies, because I think thats good parenting in general. But everyone needs to learn to laugh at themselves if they accidentally trip and spagetti plops on their head, when they are home surrounded by loved ones (and the oppurtunity to change clothing). Whats wrong with a daughter that is well-informed by national geographic and knows how to make a fire? Seriously, this guy is an asshole. Their only way out of that entrapment is to keep their partners owing them. July 2, 2013, 12:00 pm, Haha, I know your story honey, and am very jealous of your mom. Her free spirit and spontaneity. I second this. 6napkinburger Good musicals can be complex and beautiful and again, deal with some pretty mature themes. Find a common ground youve got to. As a kid, I was really into the idea of going to museums and seeing plays, but my parents refused to indulge me on it because they wanted me to like the outdoors, hunting, etc. July 2, 2013, 12:07 pm. July 2, 2013, 11:06 am. Yeah, unless you get something you cant do like spell backwards while jumping on one foot, then it just sucks, and you feel stupid. The daughter goes hiking, but the father cant say anything nice when his daughter talks about her interests.
Husband treats 15 year old step son badly : r/Advice bittergaymark Up to a point. . One of my faves is when they all de-evolve into more primitive forms and Worf-monster hunts Picard around the ship. Its great because its competitive but also forces cooperation (you need to trade for resources to gain points in the game).
Husband to Disabled Wife: Let Our Son Pick You Up, You're the Only One Once they believe that true love need not be obligatory and that intimacy is not automatically correlated with entrapment, they are often eager to learn new ways to make their needs and fears knownand let love in. Tell you daughter its important she spend time with her dad and why. There are times I dont have any interest in my husbands hobbies, but I know that if I go with him to a Magic: The Gathering tournament this weekend, hell accompany me to see the new Pixar movie when I want to go. People who are closed-off in this way often become so as a result of a previous emotional trauma or traumas. If you are involved with a crazy-making partner, dont think youre alone. This is exactly my experience, too. Our daughter just turned thirteen and she loves Star Trek, Dr. Who, Cat Warriors, fantasy books, theater and acting and swimming. Both of them are alike in that they are argumentative, particularly with each other, and if they disagree with each other or even have a misunderstanding neither will let it go, such that WE end up with ridiculous escalating fights.. It doesnt necessarily mean I hate it when you talk about Buffy. bittergaymark Sci-Fi is a great gateway to get kids interested in sciencethere was a museum exhibit traveling around called Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination, and theres a similar one about Indiana Jones and archaeology. Now Im crying at my desk, for some reason. The whole time I was reading the letter, I was thinking, Shit if he acts like this toward his daughter, how does he treat his wife? But I also honestly think that the husband/dad might not be such a jerk face if he wasnt 100% put on the back burner. Id like you to point out the things that you find fun or interesting along the way so I can see it from your eyesand then next week, the new Star Trek movie is out on DVD, so I would love for you to watch it with me. Hmm, Im getting a different vibe from this letter than Wendy is? So because you think something is a timewaster you get to mock people for their interests at 12. He and I read together every night when i was little, and I remember reading beauty and the beast with him, which I cant imagine was his first choice. My dream is to just have a commune where all my family lives together , honeybeenicki LWs daughter should definitely be involved with some enriching activities, but theres no harm at all in loving media. Too little time to post! BtVS not mature and intelligent? My daughter openly tells him that she hates him and that he is a douche and that she wouldn't care if he was out of her life. Exactly! To this day we have a great relationship, and now Im able to make the same efforts for him. Please dont disparage science fiction/fantasy as not being intelligent or low-brow for children and adults. July 2, 2013, 12:42 pm. It could very well be a phase, too I used to be obsessed with Sailor Moon but you dont still see me walking around in a sailor outfit with a headband on. I read baby sitter club books and was part of the official fan club. These 8 tips are from my experience and may point out things you probably don't know are pushing your husband away and destroying your marriage. I dont know why the father doesnt like Star Trek, but shows like Eureka, Warehouse 13, and Revolution are all pretty good cross sections of fangirlyness and science. July 2, 2013, 1:01 pm. While I do agree that you should be encouraging your daughter to share your husbands interests with him (and that includes showing an interest yourself), LW, I think a lot of this falls onto your husband doing kind of a crappy job at parenting. Im sure its frustrating for him, I just think hes reacting in a jerk-ish way. Skyblossom My feeling is that its closer to the first scenario, and the LW is making it seem worse than in is. And with Netflix and Hulu and all that jazz, getting all caught up on Buffy and Firefly and Star Trek and other shows that are ancient history with most of todays teens, is not all that hard. Ooh, that was common ground for my dad and sisters and I. Mini golf. But believe it or not, a lot of my nerdy students do like Buffy quite a few of them go to conventions, and as far as I can tell, theyre just giant nerd festivals, so its actually kind of easy to encounter something that was popular 15 years ago because where there are nerds, there is Buffy. Overly forgiving and intensely devoted partners do not help their partners by taking their patterns personally and destroying their own confidence when they cannot control the outcome. I literally didnt know that the wonders of Classic Rock existed until I got to college. And disparaging his daughters interests is the absolute wrong way to go about that. July 2, 2013, 11:05 am. The first theory is that her husband is jealous of the close relationship she has with their daughter. If not, don't let this spoil your friendship and do what you can to keep her busy with other things so that she has less time to focus on this guy. How to Make a Girl Chase You Over Text After Sex, mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter, reason is that hes trying to save his daughter, My Boyfriend And His Daughter Act Like A Couple (10 Solutions), Boost Your Friends Mood with These Short Positive Affirmations, Why Some People Are Jealous of Your Success, 110 Millionaire Affirmations to Attract Wealth, 10 Ways To Get a Busy Man to Make Time for Love, 51 Emotional Wellness Goals to Transform Your Life. The daughter will then learn to respond in similar (asking others about their hobbies, showing genuine interest, accepting of differing hobbies). I think some of Wendys advice is accurate, you need to encourage the relationship between father and daughter. He showed me culture, gave me an enjoyment of the arts and it was one on one time that was genuine. So, yes, encourage your daughter to take an interest what your husband likes. But you can help your daughter learn to cope with her feelings and manage her relationship with her father. He is dedicated and hard-working. I grew up with my dad frequently clipping newspaper articles he wanted us to read, and instigating family learning moments around the table.
YES! Meh, I wouldnt call him a total jerk, I can see getting frustrated that not only does your daughter not enjoy the samethings as you, but now all of the sudden your wife doesnt either, just because your daughter doesnt. Such is not the case if youre on the end of a crazy-making partner. Especially a board game like Cranium where everyone can shine in what theyre good at, and it can be good to pair up with someone youre different from. How many parents have to watch a certain movie a million times or have to listen to a certain band on repeat. My parents listened to Oldies. I think it would seem less like forcing if he wasnt being a dictator about other things I mean maybe if she could listen to her music or a Harry Potter book on tape in the car on the way camping the daughter would be in a better mood , Marjoralynnia The thing that really gets me is that my brother, who is not very bookish, isnt doing that well in his classes and only my mother seems to care. He also occasionally went to movies with us. He liked baseball and trivia and languages and anthropology all stuff I didnt really care about. Shes driving me crazy and I dont know how long I can take it.. lets_be_honest Maybe shell end up in the entertainment industry, or become a writer. My inner fan girl is all riled up now =). Thats true, I had that thought that maybe the mom and daughters perspective on assignments was skewed. However you come about discovering a new way to be together, it is better to take a chance of doing something different than to let layers of disappointment bury the love you once held sacred. I generally agree with Wendy, but would add that LW should talk to her husband about the critical view hes taking of his daughters hobbies, the escalating fights between him and the daughter and his way of interrupting conversations between LW and her daughter that annoy him. The advice to the LW is good, but she cannot change her husbands behavior. Unless you are from PA, of course. And my fingers are still crossed for you , kerrycontrary Definitely! That way, everyone gets a say and is sort of forced to share each others interests. MAY THEY DIE IN LOTS OF FIRES. Im not saying that its ok for parents to openly derisively mock their children or laughing at their failures or their humiliation. The episode where Picard experiences an entire lifetime with a wife, children, grandchildren etc. Oh, This Old House. I think hes going a little too far if hes making disparaging comments about her personality, but I absolutely hate baseball, and if I married a guy who loved it and we had a son who was obsessed, I know that Id be rolling my eyes at them. No matter how much mom encourages their relationship, the child is hearing Dad thinks Im stupid.. My husband is an OK-ish dad when he does spend time with Petunia, but I think he is very happy with his bachelorlike life, since I basically serve as a full-time cleaning lady and chef, and I. I have to just try harder.. Listen, this dad sounds exactly like my dad when I was 12, down to insisting I be more competitive, and why cant I play sports, and so on. painted_lady and hes an attorney, and Im sure the rest of the family wants to stab us). Why cant he ask simple questions about what is her favorite episode and why? Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. So sad. lets_be_honest I remember how happy my dad was to spend time with me and to share something with me that he was so passionate about. But the most consistent and deep internal driver is the terror of being controlled. At that age when your self-esteem is barely functioning (middle school was a bitch for me and most women I know, even if you were cool and confident) I cant imagine how hurtful it must be for her to be mocked. Unfortunately, the old woman fell ill, and Janet had to marry a worthless man in place of her parents' biological daughter to meet the maid's medical expenses. July 2, 2013, 12:33 pm. I think the bottom line is that she is twelve- all of her interests could change in a year or two. Theres no reason why reading books and an interest in musicals and playing music make someone uninformed, one persons preference for geography over literature doesnt make them more informed than the other one! Find your shared interests and go from there? Its also important to take into account your daughters age and stage of development. I finally watched Firefly for the first time last night with my bf who has been begging me to watch it with him. But you know what. Wendys relationship with her parents as a young girl feels ridiculously close with my relationship with my parents. Other times, you may have felt you were doing everything right to get a predictable outcome, but your efforts were unproductive or even erased. But those are not her interests right now, although she does participate when he asks her to. I would have been more open to doing different things if I wasnt told that there was something wrong or bad about the interests I did have. Being a parent is more about shaping your child to be secure, well adjusted, happy (etc!!) I honestly think both parents are at fault. I loved how proud and impressed he was when I got the answer right, or parroted back some of his trivia. Why is my husband driving my daughter away?. for making her suffer through these things she finds boring, but the resentment will be short-term and the benefits will last much longer. Manchester United bidders move to the next stage of takeover process', Remo Freuler admits Everton's visit is biggest game of season for Forest. That means theres a common ground there, even if its the size of a postage stamp. You and your husband are partners and your job is to guide your daughter lovingly into adulthood, giving her all the tools you can to be independent, strong, and self-assured. So I think there is a bit of a content based bias at work in some of this stuff you were already doing worthwhile things, so his dismissal of them was, in addition to being mean/cruel, just plain wrong (as in incorrect/inaccurate.) Id hate it if a parent did that to me and Id hate it if my partner did that to me too. Encouraging both of them to try more and be respectful would be a good start. lets_be_honest Gotta say, I disagree with the extreme nature of that statement. I read ahead in my history textbook during class because I liked it so much. It could be something as silly as him walking into the kitchen when theyre talking and him jokingly saying something like Theres my two girls talking about Buffy again! and rolling his eyes.
11 Ways Narcissistic Fathers Damage Their Children - Divorced Moms Which I think is terrible and it really upsets me when she says this. My dad tried to practice volleyball with me even though I was awful, but I wouldnt call that trying to force me to like it. Instead, try to understand why they are pulling away and what you can do to support them during this time. We were really physically active and loved camping and sports, unlike the LWs daughter, but those books made us voracious readers, which in turn made us verbally proficient, intellectually curious, and capable of exploiting our imaginations in sophisticated ways. His dad wasnt a particularly avid fisherman, he just thought it would be a good father-son activity. I dont understand the amount of hating on fandom today. Im not saying that it is ok to be cruel because kids need to grow a thicker skin. What is ok depends on the temperment and personality of every child. I know, Buffy was the weakest link in Buffy (is that irony?). There are also a bunch of shows on the history channel or the science channel about science-fiction kind of stuff. Honestly, it doesnt dominate my life My improv group had NO idea I was into Star Wars until it came up in a scene and my knowledge of it was rather startling to ALL involved. Dad thinks Im stupid. Dad thinks Im not good enough.. I can well grasp your husbands ongoing eye-rolling and snappish annoyance. Yeah, the letter makes me really concerned for their marriage. doesnt mean that the Dad is 100% correct in ramming his opinions down his daughters throat. If you have a question for me about relationships, addiction, dating, friendship, depression, sex, consent, what I'm watching, what I'm reading, Black Agate, or anything at all, use the contact form below or email me at askerin@ravishly.com. July 15, 2013, 3:00 pm. Lily in NYC I am a much better, well adjusted adult because he did this instead of pretending to like whatever show I was watching at the time. I think my dad was guilty of that sometimes and he really regrets it. Maybe he can break out the old Van Halen or Metallica for her to listen to and you know, maybe she will just really like it. He came home and threw his briefcase on the ground. Hes not interested in that because that would require work and compromise on his part. I agree with Wendy here. Spyglassez They loved the entire concept and they loved the show. Would have I rather been at the mall or curled up on the couch with a good book? Exactly Lily! Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. I wanted nothing to do with my dad for a long time. You dont have to love Justin Bieber and Broadway to just ask the kid why she loves it so much. Then stress that it's not too late to re-engage with his with family, the solution lies with him. I agree weddings can be stupid . Twin Flame & Soul Mate Guide, 22 Things You Should Know in Dating Latino Men: What To Expect, Dating Canadian Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect, Dating Australian Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect, Dating American Men: 22 Things You Should Know & What To Expect. . My point is that he is sort of entitled to have a threshold of finding the interests of a 12 year old girl annoying.
Self-centered passive-aggressive husband driving me crazy Maybe they have communicated about this many times, but obviously there havent been any results yet! Show interest in his interests. Instead of, I want you to read this by this day, and then well have a talk, how about, I found this and thought it was interesting. But he read the paper and talked about the articles, so I started reading the paper and talking about the articles. You can see it in the fighting. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. And we always managed to have fun and more than a few laughs. I mean, you cant FORCE a kid to like camping. When they are able to see the effect it has on the ones they love without being seen as intending to harm, they are surprisingly willing to change. Counseling could help because communication is an issue here because no matter how much youve talked about it nothing has changed. If he feels like thats going to impede their time together, then fine, youre off the hook. (Which is fine, I guess. Absolutely. I think she may even already suspect this otherwise why ask you to approach him on her behalf? Or its hilarious I have seriously never watched football in my life, so I once got called on to do a touchdown dance. I agree with this, except, I dont think the mother was intentionally pushing these shows on her, it probably just happened. But even then I would tell you to be a little more hipper and current than Buffy . Everyone can have a relaxing hobby. It was nothing but glassy-eyed stares and yawning. Entirely too much. Its not easy being caught in the middle, but its important to remember that you cant please everyone all the time. bittergaymark And then, the next morning, he was an angel and brought me coffee in bed. Because my dad took the time to foster this in me, it has not only made my relationship with him stronger, but with others as well. Watching their relationship blossom into a father-daughter one makes me realize how lucky I was when he became family to us. My mother attended maybe a handful of my softball games in the 10 years I played competitively. Whatever you do, make sure you stay true to yourself. (I highly recommend looking into how to cook with your fish encased in salt, something magical happens.). oh, wait - his father wanted nothing to do with him for years. Yeah, and you definitely dont win the parenting award when you focus more on getting your kid to be your ally, as opposed to sticking up for your child. And then it was like ok, you dont have to do that (not that I ever DID have to, I wanted to go, and then discovered it sucked). However, he is an adult and should know that assignments will not help them grow close. Make it a game. Anyway, we had to go visit one of his aunts who was dying in the hospital, and my dad admitted to me that he didnt WANT to go and said he was dreading it (which was not something hed normally say to me), but that sometimes you have to do stuff you dont want to do. What is arguable? Twelve year old take everything personally, so if hes saying I hate your favorite book, its so annoying, shes probably hearing, Youre stupid for liking that, even when its not what he means. Continue with Recommended Cookies. Its no crime to roll your eyes at Buffy. To do that, I think she has to be less invested in making sure child is 100% happy 100% of the time and I think she has to rationally explain to her husband how some of his actions are being perceived. Shes all the better for it. Honestly, I think those first two sentences were the best point Wendy made. I always hated fishing growing up, but it meant that I got to spend time with my dad, so I went. He is clearly not getting the message. Here are just a couple of typical statements from people in relationships with crazy-making partners: Im really confused. Her daughter should stop liking it just because her mother likes it. Id even argue that as the adult here, he should be putting in more of an effort to accept her for who she is and take an interest in what she likes, instead of the other way around. Intimate partners count on each other to maintain a sane interaction. Plus, I gotta say, I dont love ripping into the mom for being Greedy , when it is understandable to want to foster such clearly shared interests with her daughter. We watched Space Camp WAY too many times and tried astronaut ice cream together. Here are a few things you can do to try and improve the relationship between them: Its not uncommon for daughters to want their parents to divorce. He was my softball coach for most of the 10 years I played, I LOVE sports, we have gone together to countless games over the years, just him and I, I go to him with any car/computer/cooking/etc question I have, I can talk to him about anything, I have always been his little girl (Not to say Im not close with my mom, I am) and that father/daughter relationship I had with my dad growing up, I wouldnt change it for the world. She has to do something she doesnt like from time to time. My husband s father always disparaged his interests when he was younger. July 2, 2013, 12:30 pm. I had the same experience at college! I still think hes acting out like a child. So how did she find out about it? But I do think, however hes approaching it, the dad needs to come from a starting place thats going to pique the daughhers interests. I think she should have given more advice for the LW about dealing with the husband and his responses to the daughter. I dont get the sense that the dad is making any effort to get to know his daughter he just wants a reflection of himself and is acting like an immature ass in the process. I think dad is being a bully. How about trying to find an interest that all 3 of you could enjoy together? bittergaymark Im not trying to argue with you Mark, I see your point and agree with much of it I just think its possible that the daughter is the one who introduced Mom to some of these things, and Mom became a fan. Even if they like different kinds of books (fantasy vs. history, for example), if they both like to read, Dad can take her to Barnes & Noble and buy her a novel and a cup of coffee. lets_be_honest There are a few things that you can do to resolve the conflict between your husband and daughter: if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2','ezslot_12',132,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',132,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-2-0_1');.leader-2-multi-132{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}Its a question that many people ask themselves, and it does not have a clear answer. there are people out there who dont know what This Old House is? But I cant help but think if you were only into cheerleaders, makeup and boys, that it would have been GOOD of your stepfather to encourage you to read more, even if it meant saying something along the lines that youd regret not knowing more about the literary world or about current events. More my daughter is a student and is not working right now, so i don't have her paying. I consider myself mature and intelligent, yet Ill still watch mindless shit sometimes. At this age I wouldnt try to force her to do activities she doesnt like because it just results in lots of anger and bad attitude and whining. WTF youre her mother not her BFF get it together and help your husband round her out! That said, its important to try to resolve the conflict constructively. I do also believe that your husband really does need to at least embrace a couple of her interest if he wants her to embrace the things he likes. But since I knew his motivation for liking things was less about me than it was about his own inadequacy, and I didnt actually like him as a person. I take little credit for how lucky I am. I wanted to spend more time with him so he took me golfing with him early in the morning, even though I didnt know how to play. As always, your anonymity is golden. My parents did stuff with me because I wanted to and vice versa, of course thats important! lets_be_honest Generally, Ive found that geeky fandoms have more respect for and interest in learning than, say, those who follow the Kardashians would. Eventually I grew up and learned to appreciate these things, and I can look back and say wow, my dad was so great and modeled the type of behavior I should show. Also, my father took me to the new Disney movie every year. Now Im just boring because Im too repetitive.